The raw, all-consuming passion of limerence - what we know now about this intense psychological state.
For months after her relationship ended, Anna struggled to shake off the thoughts of him. Each morning, she woke up with a jolt of grief that turned into thoughts of him that consumed nearly every waking hour. As the days went by, these thoughts only intensified, morphing into mental reruns of conversations and imagined reconciliations in her mind. What began as familiar longing gradually escalated into an almost unbearable obsessive behavior.
Limerence, coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s, describes this intense, all-consuming psychological state of involuntary infatuation. Characterized by intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, and a powerful desire for reciprocation, limerence involves obsession, emotional volatility, and disruption to daily life. In today's digital age, uncertainty and intermittent contact fuel these feelings.
Dr Orly Miller, author of Limerence: The Psychopathology of Loving Too Much, explains that this state is often misunderstood as a disorder. "It's not just in the head," she says. "It's a full-body stress response. The nervous system becomes dysregulated, swinging between excitement and panic." When fantasy replaces reality, limerence can cause profound disconnection.
Associate Prof Sam Shpall cautions against seeing limerence as solely pathological. "Tennov rejected the view that limerence is inherently unhealthy," he says. "It's a distinctive form of human longing, transformative and sometimes destabilising, yes, but not necessarily bad." Limerence overlaps with passionate love, a normal stage of romantic development.
However, when limerence becomes an obsession that disrupts daily functioning and wellbeing, it can be concerning. Dr Emma Marshall notes that related concepts in relationship science highlight the difference between "mania love" - a healthy, adaptive response to someone we're interested in - and limerence's obsessive nature. In moderation, limerence can be benign, but when fantasy replaces reality, it can cause profound disconnection.
Some people may be more vulnerable to these experiences due to past trauma or insecure attachment styles. Therapy can help individuals regulate emotions and understand the underlying wounds that fuel obsession. Miller stresses that recognizing limerence is not the same as stalking or erotomania, a psychological condition associated with some types of stalking.
Philosophers like Shpall see in limerence clues about human meaning. "To experience limerence is to confront desire in one of its rawest forms," he says. Maybe the goal isn't to eliminate limerence but to cultivate it wisely - to appreciate the intensity of human feeling without being consumed by it.
For months after her relationship ended, Anna struggled to shake off the thoughts of him. Each morning, she woke up with a jolt of grief that turned into thoughts of him that consumed nearly every waking hour. As the days went by, these thoughts only intensified, morphing into mental reruns of conversations and imagined reconciliations in her mind. What began as familiar longing gradually escalated into an almost unbearable obsessive behavior.
Limerence, coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s, describes this intense, all-consuming psychological state of involuntary infatuation. Characterized by intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, and a powerful desire for reciprocation, limerence involves obsession, emotional volatility, and disruption to daily life. In today's digital age, uncertainty and intermittent contact fuel these feelings.
Dr Orly Miller, author of Limerence: The Psychopathology of Loving Too Much, explains that this state is often misunderstood as a disorder. "It's not just in the head," she says. "It's a full-body stress response. The nervous system becomes dysregulated, swinging between excitement and panic." When fantasy replaces reality, limerence can cause profound disconnection.
Associate Prof Sam Shpall cautions against seeing limerence as solely pathological. "Tennov rejected the view that limerence is inherently unhealthy," he says. "It's a distinctive form of human longing, transformative and sometimes destabilising, yes, but not necessarily bad." Limerence overlaps with passionate love, a normal stage of romantic development.
However, when limerence becomes an obsession that disrupts daily functioning and wellbeing, it can be concerning. Dr Emma Marshall notes that related concepts in relationship science highlight the difference between "mania love" - a healthy, adaptive response to someone we're interested in - and limerence's obsessive nature. In moderation, limerence can be benign, but when fantasy replaces reality, it can cause profound disconnection.
Some people may be more vulnerable to these experiences due to past trauma or insecure attachment styles. Therapy can help individuals regulate emotions and understand the underlying wounds that fuel obsession. Miller stresses that recognizing limerence is not the same as stalking or erotomania, a psychological condition associated with some types of stalking.
Philosophers like Shpall see in limerence clues about human meaning. "To experience limerence is to confront desire in one of its rawest forms," he says. Maybe the goal isn't to eliminate limerence but to cultivate it wisely - to appreciate the intensity of human feeling without being consumed by it.
like, Anna's situation is pretty rough, waking up with these jolts of grief every morning sounds awful 
. But at the same time, maybe it's a normal part of romantic development, you know? Like Associate Prof Shpall says, it's not necessarily bad 
.
. And yeah, therapy can definitely help individuals regulate emotions and understand their underlying wounds 
.
? Ugh, I don't know... I think I need more time to wrap my head around this 
.
. Back in my day, we just called it heartbreak 
. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's interesting that psychologists have broken it down into its own thing, but can we just say it's normal to feel obsessed over someone after they break your heart 
? I think it's natural to replay conversations in your head and imagine what could've been 
. And honestly, who hasn't had those "what if" thoughts when their relationship ends? It's like, our brains just can't help but hold on to hope 
. But at the same time, I get it - too much of that can be unhealthy 
It's like, a bad recipe for limerence 
I mean, I'm all for passion and intensity in relationships, but when it starts to disrupt our daily lives and wellbeing, something needs to be done. And yeah, maybe we need to redefine what's normal and healthy in romantic development... like how many ghosting days is too many? 
I'm totally obsessed over this concept of limerence right now 
Is it just a chemical rush or is there something deeper going on? 
Like Anna's story, I've definitely been there where thoughts of someone consume me and I just can't shake them off 
. And yeah, Dr Orly Miller makes a point about it not being just in the head, but a full-body stress response 
It's crazy to think that with all the constant uncertainty and intermittent contact, people are more prone to limerence than ever before 
thoughts that just won't leave u r so 
relatable 
. Im obsessed 
w/ how much it can disrupt daily life & wellbeing 
thoughts after a breakup 
that's hard to distinguish from obsession? 
It's like, how much is too much when it comes to loving someone 
but when reality gets lost in the mix... 
. Guess u gotta find that balance & appreciate the intensity without getting consumed 
. And I think it's so interesting that philosophers like Shpall are trying to understand the human meaning behind limerence... maybe we shouldn't try to eliminate it completely, but just cultivate it in a healthy way? 
But at the same time... 
. And what about people who have been through trauma or insecure attachment styles? I don't think we should blame them for experiencing limerence more intensely than others 
?
. It's like, I've been there too, but not to the point where I'm watching conversations in my head and imagining reconciliations 24/7 
. But what happens when it becomes an obsession? 
. Like, maybe we shouldn't try to eliminate these intense feelings but learn to navigate them in a healthy way 
. That's a vibe I can get behind 
. I think it's cool that they're talking about this thing called limerence in a more serious way now. I mean, we've all been there - totally obsessed with someone or something (okay, maybe not always healthy 
), but it sounds like Anna took it to a whole new level.
. We're not alone in feeling this way, and there are people out there who get it 
, you know when you're so invested in someone or something that everything else just fades into the background? It's crazy how our brains can get hijacked like this, making us do things we wouldn't normally do. I think it's cool that there are actually words to describe this stuff, but at the same time, it's kinda wild that we need a label for it