'Desire in one of its rawest forms': what do we know about limerence?

The raw, all-consuming passion of limerence - what we know now about this intense psychological state.

For months after her relationship ended, Anna struggled to shake off the thoughts of him. Each morning, she woke up with a jolt of grief that turned into thoughts of him that consumed nearly every waking hour. As the days went by, these thoughts only intensified, morphing into mental reruns of conversations and imagined reconciliations in her mind. What began as familiar longing gradually escalated into an almost unbearable obsessive behavior.

Limerence, coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s, describes this intense, all-consuming psychological state of involuntary infatuation. Characterized by intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, and a powerful desire for reciprocation, limerence involves obsession, emotional volatility, and disruption to daily life. In today's digital age, uncertainty and intermittent contact fuel these feelings.

Dr Orly Miller, author of Limerence: The Psychopathology of Loving Too Much, explains that this state is often misunderstood as a disorder. "It's not just in the head," she says. "It's a full-body stress response. The nervous system becomes dysregulated, swinging between excitement and panic." When fantasy replaces reality, limerence can cause profound disconnection.

Associate Prof Sam Shpall cautions against seeing limerence as solely pathological. "Tennov rejected the view that limerence is inherently unhealthy," he says. "It's a distinctive form of human longing, transformative and sometimes destabilising, yes, but not necessarily bad." Limerence overlaps with passionate love, a normal stage of romantic development.

However, when limerence becomes an obsession that disrupts daily functioning and wellbeing, it can be concerning. Dr Emma Marshall notes that related concepts in relationship science highlight the difference between "mania love" - a healthy, adaptive response to someone we're interested in - and limerence's obsessive nature. In moderation, limerence can be benign, but when fantasy replaces reality, it can cause profound disconnection.

Some people may be more vulnerable to these experiences due to past trauma or insecure attachment styles. Therapy can help individuals regulate emotions and understand the underlying wounds that fuel obsession. Miller stresses that recognizing limerence is not the same as stalking or erotomania, a psychological condition associated with some types of stalking.

Philosophers like Shpall see in limerence clues about human meaning. "To experience limerence is to confront desire in one of its rawest forms," he says. Maybe the goal isn't to eliminate limerence but to cultivate it wisely - to appreciate the intensity of human feeling without being consumed by it.

I'm not sure... I think limerence can be both super bad and kinda good at the same time like, Anna's situation is pretty rough, waking up with these jolts of grief every morning sounds awful . But at the same time, maybe it's a normal part of romantic development, you know? Like Associate Prof Shpall says, it's not necessarily bad .

But what about when it disrupts daily life and wellbeing? That can be concerning . I mean, Dr Marshall makes a good point about the difference between "mania love" and limerence's obsessive nature . And yeah, therapy can definitely help individuals regulate emotions and understand their underlying wounds .

I'm also kinda intrigued by what philosophers like Shpall say about limerence being clues about human meaning . Maybe the goal isn't to eliminate it but to appreciate its intensity without getting consumed by it ? Ugh, I don't know... I think I need more time to wrap my head around this .

It's crazy how everyone today is talking about this "limerence" stuff . Back in my day, we just called it heartbreak . I mean, don't get me wrong, it's interesting that psychologists have broken it down into its own thing, but can we just say it's normal to feel obsessed over someone after they break your heart ? I think it's natural to replay conversations in your head and imagine what could've been . And honestly, who hasn't had those "what if" thoughts when their relationship ends? It's like, our brains just can't help but hold on to hope . But at the same time, I get it - too much of that can be unhealthy . Maybe we just need to learn how to balance that all-consuming passion with reality . And can we please talk about how social media fuels this stuff? It's like, a bad recipe for limerence .

omg u no how thats like, so intense 2 be 4get about ppl 2 b4? i think its kinda cool 2 hear about this "limerence" thingy since i've been thru that phase myself lol. its like ur brain cant stop 2 thnk bout someone nd u cant even breathe without thinking about them lol. but like, what if its not all bad?? what if its just a natural part of being human 2 feel that much passion & desire? idk, maybe its bcz we r all wired 2 respond 2 love in some way or another. anywayz, gotta say tho, this article made me realize how much i overthink things rn lol.

I think we need to be more careful about how we define love and obsession . This limerence thing can be a bit too romanticized, you know? It's easy to say "oh, just let your feelings go" but what if those feelings are suffocating you? I mean, I'm all for passion and intensity in relationships, but when it starts to disrupt our daily lives and wellbeing, something needs to be done. And yeah, maybe we need to redefine what's normal and healthy in romantic development... like how many ghosting days is too many?

I'm totally obsessed over this concept of limerence right now ! It's like, what even is love? Is it just a chemical rush or is there something deeper going on? Like Anna's story, I've definitely been there where thoughts of someone consume me and I just can't shake them off . And yeah, Dr Orly Miller makes a point about it not being just in the head, but a full-body stress response .

But at the same time, Associate Prof Sam Shpall's take on limerence being "transformative and sometimes destabilising" is super interesting . Like, maybe it's not always bad? Maybe it's just us humans needing to confront our desires head-on ? And can we talk about how social media is basically fueling this kind of obsessive behavior in today's digital age? It's crazy to think that with all the constant uncertainty and intermittent contact, people are more prone to limerence than ever before .

The thoughts that just won't leave u r so relatable . Im obsessed w/ how much it can disrupt daily life & wellbeing . I mean, who hasn't had those all-consuming thoughts after a breakup ? But on the flip side, isn't limerence just an intense form of love that's hard to distinguish from obsession? It's like, how much is too much when it comes to loving someone . Some ppl might say its okay w/ a lil' bit of fantasy but when reality gets lost in the mix... . Guess u gotta find that balance & appreciate the intensity without getting consumed

OMG, I'm like totally fascinated by this article ! So, limerence is basically like that intense crush you have on someone and can't get over them even after they're done with you ... but it's a real psychological thing now too? I mean, who hasn't had those thoughts of "what if we still work out?" or "I wonder what he's doing right now?" right? It's like our brains are wired to respond that way when we fall for someone hard. But, yeah, it can be super unhealthy and disrupt your life if you're not careful... and some people might be more prone to it because of their past experiences or attachment styles.

I love how Dr. Orly Miller is saying that limerence isn't just in our heads, it's a full-body stress response ... like, your nervous system gets all dysregulated and stuff. And Sam Shpall is right too, we shouldn't see limerence as only pathological... it's a normal part of human longing, even if it can be intense and destabilizing.

But, for real, some people need to learn how to regulate their emotions and recognize when they're getting consumed by limerence . And I think it's so interesting that philosophers like Shpall are trying to understand the human meaning behind limerence... maybe we shouldn't try to eliminate it completely, but just cultivate it in a healthy way?

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7321294/ I've been there with limerence, it's crazy how all-consuming those feelings can be. Like, you just wanna replay conversations over and over... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

omg u guys think it's normal 2 b obsessed with someone 4 months after they ended things? no way i think that's weird like wut r u even thinking about them 24/7? limerence is def not healthy & it sounds like a recipe 4 anxiety & depression tbh

I think some people overreact about this whole limerence thing . Like, I get that it can be a really intense and all-consuming experience, but is it really so bad? I mean, who hasn't had days where they just can't stop thinking about someone? And isn't it cool that our brains are wired to respond to love and desire in such a strong way? But at the same time... I also think that limerence can be pretty messed up if it starts to disrupt your daily life and wellbeing. Like, if you're constantly obsessing over someone who's not even interested in you, that's just not healthy . And what about people who have been through trauma or insecure attachment styles? I don't think we should blame them for experiencing limerence more intensely than others . But maybe... just maybe , limerence is actually a good thing if it inspires us to live more passionately and authentically?

So I just read about this crazy thing called limerence and I'm like, what's going on with people who experience this? It sounds like a mix between obsession and love . Like when you're still thinking about an ex months after the breakup and can't stop replaying conversations in your head... sounds pretty messed up . But at the same time, some of these experts are saying it's not always bad news, that it's just a really intense form of human feeling . I guess what I'm trying to say is, maybe we shouldn't be so quick to judge people who experience limerence... might just be our brains playing hard to get ?

The concept of limerence just makes sense, you know? I was there myself back in the day when I first fell for someone I thought I'd spend forever with. It's like your whole world is turned upside down and nothing else matters but that one person. The thoughts of them consume you, even when they're not around. And yeah, it can get pretty intense, but also kind of beautiful?

I mean, can you blame Anna for going through all that emotional whirlwind after her relationship ended? It's like our brains are wired to hold onto hope and memories, even when they're no longer serving us. The thing is, limerence isn't always a bad thing - it can be this intense, all-consuming passion that drives us to grow and learn more about ourselves. But when it tips into obsession mode, that's where the line gets blurry.

lol what's up with this limerence thingy I mean, I get why some ppl would freak out after a breakup, but this all-consuming passion stuff is wild . It's like, I've been there too, but not to the point where I'm watching conversations in my head and imagining reconciliations 24/7 . That's just crazy talk

I like how some ppl are saying it's a normal part of human longing tho . Like, we all feel those intense emotions when we're into someone, but limerence is on another level . But what happens when it becomes an obsession? I'm not sure if therapy can help or if it's just a natural part of the human experience .

And OMG, associate prof Sam Shpall is SO right about seeing limerence as a form of human longing . Like, maybe we shouldn't try to eliminate these intense feelings but learn to navigate them in a healthy way . That's a vibe I can get behind

I feel for Anna, you know? She's still dealing with these intense thoughts and emotions after her relationship ended . I think it's cool that they're talking about this thing called limerence in a more serious way now. I mean, we've all been there - totally obsessed with someone or something (okay, maybe not always healthy ), but it sounds like Anna took it to a whole new level.

I love how some of the experts are saying it's not just about being unhealthy, but also about being human and feeling these strong emotions . And yeah, I can imagine it would be crazy-making when reality doesn't match up with fantasy .

It's also really interesting that they're highlighting the differences between normal, healthy passion and this intense obsession thing . Like, how do you know when your love is just a normal part of being interested in someone vs. something more...unsettling?

Anyway, I think it's awesome that we can have these conversations about mental health and emotions now . We're not alone in feeling this way, and there are people out there who get it .

Limerence is like being stuck on repeat , you know when you're so invested in someone or something that everything else just fades into the background? It's crazy how our brains can get hijacked like this, making us do things we wouldn't normally do. I think it's cool that there are actually words to describe this stuff, but at the same time, it's kinda wild that we need a label for it .

I feel like limerence is just one of those natural human experiences that we've all had at some point or another, whether it's in love, friendship, or even obsession with something as trivial as a new TV show. It's like our brains are hardwired to respond this way when we care deeply about something.

I also think it's interesting how some people see limerence as a healthy part of the human experience, while others might view it as a disorder. I mean, can't we just have both? Can't we appreciate the intensity of our feelings without losing ourselves in them? Maybe that's the key – learning to navigate these emotions in a way that feels balanced and fulfilling.

Limerence is like that intense, all-consuming feeling you get when you're deeply invested in someone - it's like your brain is on fire . It's not just about infatuation, but also this deep-seated desire for reciprocation and connection. I mean, can you relate to feeling like you're stuck in a mental loop, replaying conversations and imagining scenarios with someone?

I think it's interesting how Dr Miller says it's not just in your head, but it's a full-body stress response. Like, your nervous system is totally out of whack, swinging between excitement and panic. That must be so overwhelming!

But what I love about what Prof Shpall says is that he sees limerence as this raw, unfiltered expression of human desire. It's like, we're not always taught to handle our feelings in a healthy way, but when we do experience intense emotions, it can be really beautiful.

I'm a bit worried about people obsessing over exes , like Anna's situation sounds super rough. It's crazy how our minds can get like that! I think we need to be more careful with the line between loving someone and being consumed by thoughts of them . It's cool to see experts say limerence is a natural part of human longing, but also acknowledge when it crosses into something unhealthy . Maybe instead of fighting these feelings, we should learn to appreciate the intensity of human connection without losing ourselves in it ?

limerence is wild, fam . like anna's situation, i can see how it'd be hard to shake off those thoughts and feelings for months. but at the same time, isn't it kinda flattering that you're still thinking about someone even after they're gone? maybe limerence is just a natural response to intense desire, and we should appreciate that intensity instead of trying to squash it? also, i'm with prof shpall on recognizing limerence as a normal part of human longing. it's not always bad, right?